ran's paradox
hii, it’s been a long time
well not really, less than a month but I don’t know, I feel like more time has passed.
these last months I’ve been rethinking about a lot of things in my life, what do I like, what do I want to do, where do I want to go, where do I want to be, and all of those existentialities.
now, I can’t question myself those things without thinking about music. that intangible feeling that always made me feel so good and always had close to me; that little auditory caress that I always knew as my passion and as my place for both work and rest, as a battlefield and as a refuge. that’s how it worked and how I felt it all this time until 2021, being 18 years old.
a teen who thought was clear about what he wanted to do with his life and with his artistic impulse, need to germinate and breed ideas. a naive teen who thought it was only possible to do one thing in life.
well, turns out that naive teen is me, being almost 19 years old and having a completely different view of life, with other interests and loves.
as that year went by and I was experimenting with what I thought was my dream, I started realizing that all of that that I imagined as being ideal wasn’t so ideal.
the beautiful and magical music, right? well, yes and no. that’s how it was before entering that internal conflict, and it’s how it is now that I have come out of it (almost •◡• ), but I cannot affirm it was like that while I was in there.
but things happened and now I’m here, considering lots of other things and enjoying all of them. and enjoying existing in this so ethereum space-time.
and music? well, that’s why I’m here. the music that was always with me is still by my side, but in other shapes and colors. it’s not that demanding place anymore, now it's one of the many passions that I’m slowly taking as little parts of my life.
so yes, here I am showing this that I don’t know if I could and want to call it music. it’s a something, a sound experiment.
my intention is not that of making an amazing track, nor the one of making something nice. no, my intention is to make something with what I have, that knowledge that I’ve been acquiring when I thought this was the only way; creating something without putting pressure in myself, without thinking that someone must like it, that it needs to follow the dotted line that was drawn earlier; my intention is to keep alive that warmth that arranged frequencies cause me, the air molecules compressions and decompressions produced with/or received with feeling, that caress our auditive system.
I know that all the love I have for this phenomenon didn’t die. and that’s why I’m doing this, that’s why I will keep searching for spaces to prove myself and no one else that I’m capable of enjoying the creation of subtle vibrations in space, that I can keep inventing and enjoying the procces, that I can live happy doing more than one thing, that I can grow in as many places as I propose myself. and that I can, above all, imagine.
thanks for reading and listening. whoever you are, I love you. life is good, enjoy it :)
EDIT:
ok, it's been only a month but so much change has happened. to sum up, I'm enjoying a lot making music now, and I think is mostly because of three things: the long vacations I took, spending time with beautiful people, and respecting myself.
the last one is I think the most important. I drifted and made what I wanted, worked on projects that I wanted to work on, made things I enjoyed making, and created stuff that fulfills me and makes me feel great.
I'm so happy. really. it's beautiful to be back again but this time being a different and more complete human. thanks life I guess, and thank you for reading.
