Cold Showers Lead to Crack (feat. Rachel Bloom) - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"
BUY ON ITUNES: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/col...
BUY "CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND" ALBUM: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cra...
"Cold Showers"
Rebecca:
There's nothing I love more
In life than a scalding hot shower.
It's the symbol of human dignity
That separates us from the chimps.
Helps you scrub off the day
And scrub on the sleep.
Don't know if you're morning or
Night shower people.
Whatever floats you boat.
But where are your toddlers
Gonna float their boats if all
You have is cold H2O?
That's two parts hydrogen,
One part oxygen, and zero
Parts Justice!
Paula:
Now I know you're thinking,
"What are you talking about?
Go away this is private property."
Darryl:
Well before we leave, ladies
And gents, allow me to set
The scene: Imaaaaaaa --
Delivery Guy:
Yeah, I don't live here.
Darryl:
Oh.
Rebecca:
Imaaaaaaagine your kids takin'
A shower before they go to
School. They douse their skin
With ice cold water, a huge shock
To their li'l systems. At first
It's downright unpleasant
But then it gets them wired in
A way they've never felt and
They think to themselves,
"That shower felt great, maybe
I'll try cocaine!"
Everyone:
No hot water! Means cold
Cold showers! And cold showers
Are the gateway drug to
Craaaaaaaack.
Rebecca, Paula and Darryl:
Cold Water is drugs!
Everyone:
Yeah!
Rebecca:
So your son's on coke, your
Daughter's pregnant and
Your husband's probably having
An affair! Apocalypse!
Just like the movie "I Am Legend"
But not like that at all!
No hot water!
Which means cold showers!
Next thing you know, your
Kids will be on crack!
Darryl:
No hot water!
Paula:
Which means cold showers!
Rebecca:
Which everyone knows is
The gateway drug to crack,
Crack, crack, crack...
Rebecca, Paula and Darryl:
Crack, crack, crack, crack...
Crowd:
Crack, crack, crack, crack...
Rebecca:
It's not just about the hot water,
Folks! If this landlord's not taking
A measly hour out of his day to
Fix your shower, then what's this
Scumbag doing with all your hard
Earned cash? He's taking it and
Blowing it on a had of Pai Gow
At the Indian casino!
Crowd:
(gasp)
Rebecca:
He's fat-catting it at fancy
Restaurants like... like the
Olive Garden!
(gasp)
And Red Lobster!
(gasp)
Gasp is right! That's Gasp
With a upper-cast G that
Ends with P. The first letter
In pool!
Everyone:
No hot water!
Paula:
No hot water!
Everyone:
Which means cold showers!
Rebecca:
Next thing you know, your
Kids will be on crack!
Everyone:
That makes sense!
